Shark in The Head, 2025
acrylic on canvas, framed
This painting is the second piece from my graduation series “Alchemy of Puns”*. It was also exhibited at the University of Pallas degree show “LEND 2025” at Gallery Pallas. “Shark in The Head” is a direct translation from the Estonian title (which is a pun) “Peast hai”. “Peast haige” in direct translation means “Sick in the head”(mentally ill). But removing two letters from the end of the phrase: “Peast hai” changes the entire meaning into “Shark in the head” instead – the title of this painting. Throughout my life, I have struggled with various mental health challenges, including depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and eating disorders. Although I feel better now than ever before, the struggles of the past have left a mark on me. I don’t claim to be completely ‘healed’, but rather to just have learned to accept myself as I am. The darkness that once felt like home has now become a good friend and guide. Still, I too have difficult days—moments when all I see in the mirror are my flaws and my illness. Even though I know that old feelings often resurface during times of inner cleansing, usually as a way of saying goodbye, in those moments they feel so real — it’s as if they’re reaching out of the mirror. By calling myself a shark in the head, instead of sick in the head, I felt like it gave me the strength & resilience associated with sharks – everything I actually needed most in those moments, when all I saw in the mirror were my illnesses, and flaws. *My graduation work titled “Painting Series: Alchemy of Puns” explores the nature and history of puns and alchemy, and seeks connections between them and mental health. Words hold great power in shaping our reality, but what to do when your inner voice is your worst critic? I turned to puns as a way to quickly transform what had already been said or thought into something more neutral, before the brain had the chance to even register the initial meaning. So instead of calling myself “human decay”, or a “shell of a human” (inimvare), I started calling myself a “human crow” (inimvares) instead. Over time, I hoped this would help eliminate the compulsive thought altogether, and it did! I felt like a modern alchemist who discovered a new transmutation practice. For my final project, I created three paintings inspired by such puns: Human Crow (wordplay on human decay), Shark In The Head (on mentally ill), and Soul Hare (on wound of the soul). The alchemical symbolism incorporated into the paintings was further explained in the written part of my thesis.
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